When Friends hurt

Yesterday was a difficult day for me....
i just wanted to skip the day...as if just the touch of the day would burn my skin...
i didnt want to be seen......nor did i wanted to be heard...

So i just shut myself in my room...slept the whole day trying to avoid any rare glimpses that i might have been forced to encounter...

The toughest thing to do in life is not to run away from the world...but to run away from yourself....i felt trying to force my self into ignorance that if i keep my eyes shut, no one, not even myself would be able to see me!!!

My friends, were perturbed by the whole thing, enquired me bout my erratic behavior...
but unfortunately i couldn't tell them...

They say "you can solve all problems of life if you have friends with you..." But what if the friends themselves give you the pain of problems???? Who do u go to then???

Its strange that friends can really hurt u badly... and wen they do they can really hurt so deeply that it takes the breath out of you.... The most articulate way to save ur self is by telling your friend what the problem is...

But i guess i've found my better way of fighting the troubles that i cant handle at that time....

I just dont handle them at that moment!!! I leave it to the Lord... and believe in him...Just as a new born believes in his mother....

It just works for me!!!!

SomeThings NeVer ChanGe

As the piercing rays of street lights cuts across the tender sleeping leaves, hurting them every bit i lay on a bench below it as a big piece of meat just vying for peace.........For the peace i longed Thee long back....

Time teaches 1 and all........m no anomaly.....i am a lot bit learned now....changed modified reloaded. revolutionized.........

But its all the more true that somethings never change...No matter how hard u try!!!!
It has become a habit for me to remain aloof, alone even in the crowds of world.......

Its ineffable for me to comprehend how i make this feat possible.....Some times i just wish i were closed, unperturbed by the complications that surround me...

I keep convincing my self that LiFe indeed IS beautiful......But i just loose track of it most of the times, that sends me in the deepest ravines......

I find my self hapless and looking for something that might volley me out...
It gets like a cycle and i get back to square 1 at the end of it!!!!

Perhaps SomeThings might NeVer ChanGe!!!!!!!!!!

LIfe is beautiful...

Well here i am back in business....coming out of my thoughts on life and its vagaries...
things that make me sad..depressed..many a times...make me feel so not committed to life...

But at the end of such gruesome fights with my inner self...i find the only winner is Life.....
perhaps its same with a lot of people...

we feel so dejected in life many a times...over an issue that is so unimportant..but yet it pulls us deep down in the blinding caverns from which it seems impossible to get out....

but what i have always experienced is that there is always a force that pulls us out of it...no matter how deep we are...

So instead of lamenting our fates, cursing it for putting us in a fix....it imperative to believe in something fundamental and let the time do it's course...till things sort out...

A friend always helps in such a situation...but the choice of friend is essential...
A lot of factors prevent us frm approaching frens...but i guess you need to believe in ur friend till u r good....

And hope u can be of same help to him later.....

What is COMMITment??

First i understand writing a long blog entry doesn't go well.So i'll keep it brief!!!
The inspiration for this entry has been my sick friends who have had to visit MU(medical unit).

It's like many a times i see couples roam around, boyfriend having to talk to his gf for long hours...having to take her everywhere....being with her in all situations(through long hours of beauty parlor!!!)....the same applying for the gal as well.....when all other boys even if just a friend become off shore for a talk!!!

i question many a times IS THIS COMMITMENT??is this the price for writing a simple tag on orkut relationship status!!!!

well if this is commitment then its really scary....
Now to main inspiration....i just doubt many a times my commitment to my friends....

Like wen they need me i should be there..right? wen they are ill...i should be nursing them....
wen they are sad i should be cheering them up...
But i just dont find my self at the right place wen something like this happens...wen i search for the answer....it's even scarier----m just too lazy...not that i dont care bout them but m just lazy..

Perhaps m not the right guy for commitment????

LoSt OpPoRtUnItIeS

Perhaps its the depth of the night that's making me write this entry...or Probably the fact that m in my 3rd year!!!(just 1 more year to graduate....)what ever it may be....

Many friends we have become our very good friends becoz we had common interests like in same dept....or were in same family.....But some times i think bout a lot of people who could have been my very good friends...but for the lack of initiative from either side....

This question arose again today wen a guy in the mess asked me bout how i was...and told me how his studies were going on....i used to work with that guy long time back and we had a good talking term....but as soon as our common interest no longer existed....the talking term vanished....The thought of the lost opportunity to have a good relation with that person haunted me as i left the mess....Perhaps we could have been very good friends..perhaps we could have shared a lot in common if only i had been more proactive...if only i had taken the initiative to go and start the talk...who knows what would have been the case..

But as i pondered over this question i found out that this is not a very rare event in my life...there have been instances where the person i thought was very interesting and i many a times felt that person also wanted to talk....but i just didnt....Perhaps every 1 of us has some incidents where we wanted to be friends with some 1 but we just could'nt.

There was another person in my first year....whom i wanted to be my friend....i just wanted to know about him...but he was not willing to open up....and unfortunately i stopped trying..we probably because of difference in branches...2 years later the person sends me a hi on gtalk...he said he thought about things that happened 2 years back...he said he was perturbed 1 day and wanted to talk to me...but never called...he was sorry he never opened up to me....and told me a secret of his....but still i didnt pay head to it...i just lost it...

i do regret what all i loose by not being open....tell the world what is true me.....

Theory of use of a boy by the girl friend...

i always wanted a place where i'll write things so very informally and really avenge my anguish over the things i notice but yet i cant tell any1 else....

This 1 is for some gal very intelligent, sober looking, decent and a good friend of mine...(or so i think!!).We met in our 1st year and i liked the way she was....It was me who approached...she was always calm and kept to her group...i started on a very foolish note asking the stupidest of questions!!!
Anyways...we were good friends....

Now let me bring u back in the present...Like always, i have tried to help out my friends..
But wen its a gal, sometimes the help feels like "being used".....Probably i have got it all wrong...
but its hard to think other wise when a gal asks you to get some info frm his boy frnd after a fight....wen they call you or ping you only if they are in some need....Its not been that i have not been the temporary rebound boy....there are a lot of gals who say that i m the no.2 boy in their life!!!

sometimes the anguish becomes huge....especially wen u see the person for whom u have done a lot isn't thankful even a bit...i feel many a times helpless and ya of course sad for poor boyfriends who have to follow what the gal has to say...

i really appreciate the intelligence of gal who can, without even getting involved get the bullet fired, keeping the gun on poor boyfriends' shoulder....Perhaps I'll never be able to understand the "theory of use of a boy by a gal" or the way to avoid such embarrassment...

But i'll just try and lookout for times and places like this to express my resentment...

The Journey Begins....

hi, many of u probably know me, many dont...but who actually is me???
This question perplexes even me...Perhaps my journey so far in my life may explain...

Initially i was very not so sure bout writing something like this....

But i guess my friends and a lot of people really deserve to know what all my life has been like..
It will be the incidents (and accidents) my life has Witnessed....

So here it goes....

I hope u travel along with me in my journey.....